The number 9 has a special place for me. It is odd but not prime. Symbolically, 9 is the number of fulfillment, wisdom, self-examination and enlightenment. Yet we are at the end of 2019. What a remarkable year it was for me. I am renewed and awakened to a different person.

2019 was the year where my attitudes and beliefs that I’ve been carrying were destroyed one by one. Chaos and change quickly swept me. I’ve come out of a chaos that deeply improves my identity, makes me a new me, revives and renews how I treat the world. The relationships which made me but not healthy for my future, are now in my past. It was very painful. I got very tired, I cried a lot, I fell down and then I stood up.

Stay out of line

I accept my vulnerability. I worked so hard on it. I say what I feel, what I perceive. I learned not to break, and not to be broken into pieces, by my own mind.

Getting a new value

There is no good or bad

Leave the old

Becoming A Quark

I was unlabelled. I wanted to stick a couple of labels right away, saving from being naked, at least wearing stockings and an underwear. I was suffering. I twisted lot, and confused. I’d said what I was doing not for the label I deserved. What have I been desiring? I realised I did not know. Health and strong family bonds were enough for me. My id was telling me to leave everything behind. I set out with the longing for the simplicity of life. My ego wanted everything he had right away and even better than before. But I wasn’t both of them. I waited, I listened, I tried, I was excited, I gave up, I started, I left, I dreaded, I quested for.

Without judging, but understanding and absorbing, I thought a lot and sensed much. I realise that my existence is invaluable with its tininess. Now I’m a little bit, and even a little bit of it has an effect. That’s the way to become whole, to my surprise.

It’s OK not to be OK

Sharing is caring

Health is the first digit of all currencies

Nothing like having experience

It all starts with a wishlist, keeping an Antropologie notebook in my bag. Whenever I think of something I’d like to try, or a place to visit, I write it down and keep a collection of wishes. I mark if it’s completed, or cross out if not relevant anymore.

January starts quickly: first of all, I start coaching sessions from my dear friend.

I want to organise my sleep. I’m barely asleep. I got up early, so I’m going to bed early.

I’ll spend more time for writing. I think it’s the most natural way to share myself. Because I couldn’t write as fast as I thought – ee, I mean, naturally – I thought I couldn’t feel authentic. I realised that nothing is better than a simple, refined content.

It’s not allowed to be locked in the house, living in London. I’ve left spending money for possessions last year. I will spend money on experiences. It will be a year to tour, wander and learn.

I started my company six months ago, now it’s time to fill it up. I have three ideas in mind, I’m starting with one nowadays.

I’ve started a gratitude journal. It helps much. I’ll continue to use it. I’ll celebrate small wins to focus on journey rather than the destination.

I will not only feel mercy for myself, but also I will continue to add new values: healing the others and relishing the moment. I will give back to my community by pursuing volunteering.

Entrepreneurial minded customer growth strategist, promoter of data science, AI and behavioural economics, mum of 3, digital nomad, in omnia paratus